It’s oddly peculiar the way in which life works sometimes; rhythm of being so high only to be pulled back down is humbling. What’s frustrating though, is when you are humbled for unwarranted reasons. Or so to say, maybe you’re blind to those reasons.
I’m not one to be ignorant to my surrounds, behavior, or attitude, hell I am as straight a fucking shooter as they come. I am blunt, I am bold, I am opinionated, it’s something that comes with being challenged every goddamn day of your life. Whether it was a math class that you might not have belonged on, or a hockey team that you justtttt weren’t good enough for, a golf team that had other players who could do what you do, but were more coachable. Hell being told by your peers that they believe in you as a leader only for coaches and people of power to say “no, just lead by example.”
I could go on for days but the crux of the rant is this: we see challenges on a daily, weekly, yearly basis. Challenges are what shape us and our character into the things that define us. When those superlatives and adjectives come into question you begin to question those exact principles.
So when you question yourself, are you now lacking confidence? Have you somehow been sidetracked? What went wrong, how did you get here? Questions begin to arise, things become convoluted, clarity is lost and all is left is a big fucking mess to clean up.
Here’s what it comes down to: transparency vs. grudge.
I’ve been one to hold a grudge my entire life; it’s a coping mechanism that I always go back to. It wasn’t until recently that I really understood that grudges are fucking dumb and for little people. Transparency will always be the best route, and if I want to be petty, I can do that in other ways. But for the sake of sanity, self respect, and adulthood.. things need to be transparent.
If you have a problem .. tell me. If I can improve .. tell me. If I am not performing .. tell me. TELL ME.
I am a listener and thinker, most, if not all, of the problems with me can be settled with me, but I won’t know until it’s too late, so please. just. tell. me.
The last little blurb in this rant goes something like this:
I have one person in this lifetime and it’s me. My name, my body, my thoughts, my work ethic. To be questioned and/or challenged in this area is not even close to humbling. I take extreme pride in how I carry myself and how I am perceived, and lazy, uninterested or not working hard enough has never been an adjective.
It’s frustrating to work hard, be told good job and thank you only to come in the next day and be ripped back to the studs and frame.
I’m going to continue to work hard, carry myself with honor and pride, and execute transparency. In order for my words to have meaning, my actions have to follow.
Empty words are full of meaning.